Rising to the challenge!

Whoops - seems I've let a bit of time go past since my last post. But funnily enough I'm still hanging out with Dames! Last weekend I completed my 100th parkrun and was lucky enough for Kelly Holmes to join the 400 runners at Maidstone. Taking selfies, high fiving runners and generally being the inspiration she is to everyone. It was amazing. Thank you to Kelly for helping make my 100th run even more special. The parkrun movement has given me so much. Not least a growing group of friends and the opportunity to give something back to the Maidstone community I live in. Whether it's running or volunteering I couldn't imagine Saturday mornings without parkrun - what's wonderful is to see my family and non-running friends get involved too. At Maidstone we are fortunate to have the full support of all Councils in holding our event, they've recognised the amazing breadth of community involvement in parkrun - young and old, helping people achieve goals small and large and, like for me, providing an opportunity to give back.

Of course we could run without the trappings of parkrun. We could turn up and run as a group of friends. But by running under the parkrun banner we join a global collective. A movement that says "you're welcome here" - no judgement, no pressure but look if you run with us we'll time you AND give you incentive to turn up each week. Including a free t shirt if you hit a milestone. Reaching 100 runs meant so much to me - as Adam said on Twitter one hundred times of not forgetting my barcode! 

My 100th parkrun came just 6 weeks after completing Brighton marathon. Sadly I think I've missed the inspiration to go into much detail about what happened in Brighton. Suffice to say I achieved all my goals but was nearly scuppered by a hideous cold. The weekend was once again wonderful and those demons from last year buried. I ran with a smile and a song - using the Nolans to help me get through the dead zone by the power station. (Don't even ask - but seems I know all the words to I'm in the Mood for Dancing).  Stopping for a selfie (to the bemusement of St Johns Ambulance) and knowing I was NEVER coming back there! At least not for a long long time. Seems singing really works for me as my last 10k I felt strong and began to overtake people. Picking them off and picking up pace. With a cry of Um Bongo at mile 23 I dug in for home and smashed my PB finishing in 4:48:24. Even better Megan was there to hand me my medal and I was able to enjoy the beach and a post run champagne without the same pain and fear of another marathon due in two weeks! 

My Berlin plan appeared on the fridge as soon as I could draft it. Trying to head off that post marathon slump. But it still came. For what felt like forever I ran only 5ks and they felt like miles and miles. Our first long runs even with the joy of our new found hamper stop were tough and painful. Why can you run a marathon but then feel like you're starting again from scratch? Perhaps the challenge of Berlin wasn't enough? Perhaps I needed to think about why I run and what it gives me? 

So I hatched a secret plan for my birthday. How to enjoy it even though I was going to be on my own. How to take my mind off lots of life's stresses that are constantly swirling around. After a gentle 14 mile run by myself I knew I could design a birthday route which would take in all I wanted. A route from home - up to the North Downs Way, a stop for lunch and then the Greensand Way before turning for home. Perfect. When I woke up on my birthday to find the weather forecasters were right and we had torrential rain, high winds and generally the worst running weather I'd ever seen - I was truly distraught. My plans were ruined. It was hard to do anything other than sit crying, feeling very sorry for myself. Not even wanting to open cards or presents. On my own and now with nothing to do. Possibly worst birthday ever coming up. But the forecasters weren't totally right. As at 10am the rain broke, the mist lifted and I took the decision to run. By 10.30 I was on my way and by 11am I'd reached Ed's Hill and it was time to climb up to the Downs. I had a new running pack on and I had lots of supplies, including pork pies and mini-scotch eggs for my half way lunch. Halfway wouldn't come until 14 miles. Yep my secret route was a planned 28 miles. Only Keeley and a last minute confession to Jules knew my plan and they both tracked my progress and sent messages of support throughout. 

It was wonderful! Simply beautiful trails, with mud and puddles and fallen trees. I fuelled well. Stopped for a picnic. Got lost a couple of times. But kept going. Mile after mile. Step after step. Over styles. Up stairs. Along overgrown paths. Eventually some rain fell but only as I passed the magic 26.2 miles. I had run marathon distance. So every step from now was something new and took me into ultra territory. I ended on 45.5km - over 28 miles. What a birthday - and I could still walk. Plenty of lessons too (for next time!) and the added bonus of a massive confidence boost. Yes I have a plan for Berlin but now I also know I can run and run. 

Oh and I can also run with a squirrel tale! Did I forget to mention at my 100th run I used my bushy Royal Parks tale - as yep I'm doing the Royal Parks Half in October again but this time as the bodyguard for Chester the Team Squirrel mascot. The good news is that Chester is James and my other bodyguard buddy is Ben. If you're going look out for us both or if you're in Team Squirrel maybe we'll see you at a practice run? Plenty more blogs to share on this I'm sure! 

http://m.virginmoneygiving.com/mt/uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-web/fundraiser/showFundraiserProfilePage.action?userUrl=ChesterTheSquirrel&un_jtt_redirect

You can't run forever

Less than four weeks to go until Brighton and training hasn't been going brilliantly. I've missed a couple of long runs and I just hope they don't turn out to be crucial. Think I've kept the intensity high enough that I should be okay. And that missing fear factor makes such a difference. I'll line up for Brighton knowing I'll have a great time even if I don't need to run a great time!

Although I haven't been doing all my runs I have been getting my mental approach right by mixing with Olympians! First on international women's day some time spent with Amy Williams and Mhairi Spence who shared their stories of heroics and hard work. Then with my best running buddy Jules we went along to Dame Kelly Holmes Running Hub breakfast. If you don't know Kelly is training hard for the London Marathon and is raising money for 5 charities (http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/KellysHeros) Now I've no doubt that she will smash London but to hear this legend share stories of long runs and training that we can all relate to and to find myself discussing nutrition and long run fuel with Kelly was surreal and wonderful. Plus I got to catch up with some UKrunchat pals - it was a perfect morning! 

But I was left with a lasting legacy as Dame Kelly talked about her experience of depression and self-harm and how this affected her and makes her determined to speak out and raise money now. During the drive home I found myself opening up to Jules about my own experiences and how some of that has shaped my running and my desire to ensure I enjoy Brighton. I'm always aware you never truly know someones background unless they share it with you. I take this with me to never judge or second guess someones motives but I'm not so good at sharing my story. But as Jules and I have run side by side for many hundreds of miles now it felt totally right. Plus that drive which Dame Kelly is showing for her charities can help me drive my way around Brighton without falling apart as I did last time. It can then drive me on to Berlin to a possible PB and further to Beachy and beyond for new challenges.  Thanks to Jules for listening and whoever you are don't be afraid to open up. Someone will always listen and you don't have to run 26.2 miles with them to make it okay xx

My life has been a rollercoaster at times but I'm lucky and I'm alive. And now I'm fit and healthy and

able to run and it seems inspire others to run too. On Sunday the Selfie Sunday Runners of Maidstone hit the streets of Maidstone for the Heart of Kent Hospice Run Day - 5k, 10k or a half marathon but all together in our love of running. Our love of selfies and our love of cheering the very last person over that finish line -  especially when they battled hard for it (Megan!).  Running at the speed of chat became a joke between Jules and I but now we wear it with pride as a badge, actually a shirt, of honour.  

The next four weeks will tick by and soon Brighton will be here. I will run that sea front with the biggest smile this year - no matter what happens. Whatever challenge you've faced to get to that start line make sure you enjoy your moment. A friend said to me before Brighton last year "remember that moment in Brighton years ago - now look at you. You're amazing - marathon or no marathon" - this year that's going to drive me round. We're all amazing. We're all special. We can all beat the demons and when we can't? We can run - surrounded by friends and snapping selfies. After all - what other kind of running is there? 

So good luck Dame Kelly Holmes - you'll be amazing at London and I'll think of you when I'm at mile 26 in Brighton as you've helped me already know I'll get to that finish line with a smile! 

I do it my way!

Sometimes it's easy to forget I haven't really been running very long - it will be 3 years this summer. In that time I'm on to what is only my 4th formal training plan (stuck to the fridge) but what makes this one so different is I've been determined to learn from past mistakes. So far, so good it seems with Brighton marathon looming just 2 months away. I've been clear all along what my goal is for Brighton this year - get round enjoying every step. No time pressure. No going to beat last years time. No seeing how I feel on the day. This will be the last time I run Brighton marathon and I want to bury the demons I found in myself last year. I want to finish running and smiling.

Which means back to those lessons from last year:

1. Don't over train

2. Rest is important 

3. Run for fun 

The impact of these lessons has made a huge difference to my training and running since this plan started in earnest this year. Lesson one - it's all about thinking carefully how far I need to run to be marathon ready and the pace I'm running at. With back to back marathons last year I thought it important to run two 20 mile races. Plus I had no idea what running 26.2 would be like. This year I'm lucky. I know what it's like and I know I've managed it twice. So now it's about making the training count. Building up to one 20 mile long run and giving myself a decent taper so I'm fit but not tired. The Selfie Sundays are a fabulous motivator and last year training and running together is what got me to the start line at Brighton. But it's also what made me struggle to the finish. Pace is everything in marathon running and training. It doesn't matter what you read they all say the same thing - do your long runs 10% (or more) off planned race pace. If you analyse most of my LSRs last year they were all on or faster than my actual race pace on the day. Significantly so - which means none of them were slower!

Add to that lesson two and I look back and think I was tired at Brighton. Yes there were other things I should and could have done differently. But I didn't give myself a good start. So now I'm taking the time to cut back on long runs. Rest during the week. Use a recovery run as a recovery run. Maximise other training sessions such as hills. Oh and book in regular sports massages. I've pretty much given up on my foam roller (she is like a woman scorned) and don't tell anyone but I've never really been one for stretching. I've tried to stick to it and used apps recommended but ultimately. I run. I stretch a little. But I read if in the end stretching doesn't work for you don't worry, as there is equal evidence that says it does you harm or good!
 

Then there are the Seflies - the most amazing, wonderful group of runners and friends I could wish for. I've been so lucky that with them I can combine all my lessons. But this year I've had to make some changes and become more selfish. Particularly on the pace issue - I want slow steady Sunday runs. To help this we've all been able to find our niche and gravitate towards those who want the same things. Which means the Selfies have split into different time slots and groups - which is what has made the group work so well over all this time. It's not a running club. It's simply a place folk can find friends to run with - oh and ideally take a few selfies and have a few laughs along the way. 

Which is of course lesson three - running is my hobby. It keeps me fit. Makes me feel good. Gets me out of the house so the wife can watch Netflix. Even races are part of this - we line up at the start and take selfies. Sometimes we take selfies on route. But I always run with a smile and a jazz hand not far away. Enjoying it is paramount for me. Of course I get enjoyment from a great run - this year the lessons from last year have paid dividends. During a two week cut back period I ran a pleasing 56 minute 10k chatting with Jules all the way round and then last week, knowing I was feeling good, I went for my half marathon personal best. I got it - by nearly 5 minutes and finally broke 2 hours finishing in 1:58:36. 

I even seem to have got my eating under control - shedding a stone since Christmas and hopefully lining up for Brighton trim, rested and happy. Which doesn't mean I'll forget my goal and go for it. I won't. But that doesn't mean I won't have a different goal for Berlin in September. After all if I've learnt all the lessons from last year there should be a few more to stand me in good stead! 

Finding my goal

There are three things about me 1. I'm insanely competitive 2. I'm sometimes arrogant and 3. I lack self-confidence. Now at least one of those things may surprise you. Indeed maybe all of them will surprise you and just perhaps you may disagree with my self-assessment. But hey it's my blog! So what have all these things got to do with running? I will of course explain....

It's hard to believe that it's only been just over one year since I ran my first half marathon at Royal Parks and of course after that I entered a bit of a wasteland. Apparently very common when you train for a race. It was the first time I'd had a plan. That I'd set myself a goal and that I'd worked my socks off to achieve the best I could. The same happened after Brighton and London (aided by some intense tiredness) and I've sort of been floating around races and relaxing since then. 

But you'll all be glad to know that a plan is back on the fridge and I'm week 3 in to training for Brighton next year. It's going well and I'm just trying to keep a consistent 13 miles up to Christmas. I want to learn all the lessons from the marathons this year. (I nearly said last year as there is clearly this weird time warp in running that relates to pre and post VLM which changes the year you're in!) So I don't want to over train. To get tired and turn up at Brighton and implode again. But is that enough? Is my goal to turn up and run where I should be aiming? After all I've run Brighton before and have a PB of 4:53:32. And this is where those 3 things about me come in. 

1. I'm insanely competitive. Well at least I used to be. But as I've got older I've learnt actually it doesn't matter. Or does it? And that's the problem. Once a competitor always a competitor and it bubbles around the surface but I squish it like the hideous pus filled spot it is! I don't want to chase times and to be obsessed with beating my PBs. It's hard enough at parkrun knowing I'm nowhere near my PB let alone all races being about that. I'm getting older and it doesn't seem to get any easier. But but but.....

2. I'm sometimes arrogant - yes I know hard to believe but it's true. So of course I believe that actually I should and could beat all my PBs and I should be able to keep up with those younger and fitter than me. And I get insanely jealous and depressed when I can't - so number 1 just gets fed again and again and again. 

3. I lack self-confidence - look I used to be 18 stone, that's not the sign of someone brimming with self-confidence or self-esteem! So when I can't keep up or I find myself at the back or I worry if our Sunday runs are full of the speed demons and no one else then inside I implode. All those memories of being put in left field, or not making the first team or losing at monopoly or scrabble or any other game come back. And it stops being fun. It becomes a mental nightmare. Then I just want to stop and not do it anymore. Which of course is because of number 1 as much as lacking confidence! 

So what do 1, 2 and 3 add up to - well I think there could be a number 4. I know my limits. Which means I should continue doing what I do best - running for fun, running for me and running for selfies. The PBs will still come - my recent 10k PB proves that. I may find the magic formula to stop eating Krispy Kremes and Reeses by Brighton and be super slim, super fit and spurred on by the power of Um Bongo beat last years time. But that's not going to be my goal - and no, that doesn't mean it will secretly be my goal either - my life needs balance and running is my hobby. Or is taking selfies my hobby? I forget which....

A right Royal year!

First things first - there was no sub-2 at Royal Parks. Nor was there a personal best. I did beat last years time and completed it in a very pleasing 2:04:16. My second fastest half marathon time in what was my 10th half since I ran my first at Royal Parks last year.

These statistics though (once again) don't sum up what happened today. Royal Parks is an epic event. Running through closed central London streets and through 3 of London's Royal Parks (Hyde, St James and Green) with 16000 other runners. In some places crowds several deep and noise that makes your heart pound and your step quicken.

Last year I arrived to meet with people who were mostly virtual strangers. Now so many of those people have become real friends and here we were a year on. Plus I was bringing with me a giant band of Sunday Selfies as well as the very brave Serena who would run her first ever half marathon! Old friends mixed with new friends and we took selfies. Laughed, cried and at the end celebrated with a few drinks in the pub!

Everyone takes something different from a race. Sometimes it's the time and getting that PB or personal time goal. Sometimes it's just mastering a distance. For me today it was about friendship. Most importantly laying to rest the ghost of Jules and I starting races together and never quite finishing them that way. Often the challenge becomes too great for one of us so we wave farewell to the other (often not far from the end). But today as the sun shone and the paths in the park twisted and turned us with masses of people making it hard to find a pace and rhythm we were certain of one thing. No one was leaving anyone!! So much so that we spent the final 3 miles telling each other "you aren't leaving!!"

So that special moment as we crossed the line hand in hand and with the exact same time was very special indeed. Then to watch Danny and Jim of the Selfies finish. Catch up with friends all over the park and gather to cheer runners home and see Serena storm in without stopping once in her first 13.1 miles just made the day complete.

To be honest I think unlikely I'll run Royal Parks again. The congestion and winding paths make it a brutal race. The spectacle I think is worth experiencing but twice is probably enough for me. I still dream of reaching the mythic sub 2 hour mark. Though today felt hard enough to reach 2:04 so not sure how realistic that is?

But one year on from my first ever half I will feel proud that today I finished my 10th. I've also run two marathons. Two 20 milers. Two 10 milers and several other races of varying shorter distances in this same year. What's more amazing is that I now have friends from all around the UK who share this crazy love of running - as well as putting up with all those bloody selfies! Why do I run? Why has this last two years seen my life become about early mornings, pounding streets and trails and pushing my body and mind to its limits? Well I think the bigger question is why not?

Sunday Selfies Ride Again

6 weeks ago I stuck a 12 week plan to the fridge for Royal Parks Half. Sadly things don't always go to plan and a mixture of life, illness and just bad luck mean most of my plan is covered in crosses to mark missed runs. But I haven't given up and I'm still aiming to get as close to 2 hours as I can on 11 October. And what's more the Maidstone Sunday Selfies have once again risen to me aid!

They've still been running week in and week out but I've only watched from a sad lonely distance. Wondering if I'd ever be good enough to trot out with them again. I started the Facebook Group that brings us together to help me train for Brighton and London and save our non-running friends from endless photos, run plans and endless run chat! But it's become something I never imagined and is simply the best motivation anyone could have. 

So last week I was nervous but pleased to be able to try and get out running with them again - we planned an ambitious two part run with those running further meeting those running the shorter distance mid-way through. It worked. We ran. We ate blackberries. We dodged bulls. We took selfies. 12 of us altogether, running at the speed of chat - making sure we all get round. 

So today I wanted to go further - 10 miles. Boy what a great run! Hills, hills and more hills (thanks Sara!) but amazing views, off road tracks, smiles, more blackberries and plenty of selfies! I'm back to running hills and miles. It's not fast but it is pretty. 

If I keep pushing at parkrun, SRC nights for my speed to come back. Who knows maybe the two things will combine and I'll find I can at least beat last years Royal Parks time even if I can't get under 2 hours. 

In the end I don't care. I'm reminded why I run each time we stop to take a selfie. So thank you one and all who have ever come on one of our runs. 

"The reason we race isn't so much to beat each other....but to be with each other" 

What's gone wrong

Re-reading my last blog post is great. So true. I love running. I love the freedom. The stress release. The fitness and calorie burn. The friendship. But I've stopped running. Not completely but near enough. I ran just 50k in June and I've only run 4k so far in July. 4k. Yep that's all - even that run I pulled up and hobbled home. 

Injury? Yes slightly - I've been embarrassed to tell anyone (because of memories of others being taunted at school) that I've got a verruca on my foot. It's fine and being treated but sometimes it hurts and that has led me to change the way I hold my foot. Which in turn has led to a pain in my ankle and now my calf. I've managed to run until my last run when it hurt so much I pulled up. But to be fair I think this is partly an excuse I've been looking for not to run. 

Holiday running was good but no momentous cathartic moment like last year. Mojo? A term I hate almost as much as "bling" - well yes I guess it's gone. I will get it back. I will run for me. I've felt undue pressure from races, from running with friends, in groups, being 'slow' or failing to live up to all the things I've been. I've felt undue pressure from me. I guess I'm a bit depressed - life has dealt a raw deal lately. So I've put on part of the weight I fought so hard to lose. I've never run at this weight before (having lost most of my size before I started running). I've said I'm happy being slow but I think only in a large crowd or on my own. The expectation otherwise feels too great. 

So am I a hypocrite? All those things I've said and written about running for yourself. Not worrying about speed. Delight in running itself. They still stand. I still believe them. I just don't believe so much in me. I'm retreating - from myself, from the world, from running. 

But to help I've gone back to what I do best. I have a plan. Royal Parks Half is 12 weeks away and I so wanted to get a sub-2 hour time. It may be beyond me now (given I can't do 5k faster than 30 mins or a 10 much faster than 70!) but I'll use it to try and get motivation. To provide focus away from life's traumas and work stress. To run again. To find the me that fell in love with running. That lost weight. That felt free. That felt happy. Without doubt I'm happier when I run. The demons that have haunted my life are washed away with each stride and each selfie! 

Even starting to blog again. Perhaps the most brutally honest blog I've written should help! And Sunday I'll do my best to run 10k in Newham around the Olympic Park, with friends as part of a relay team. I won't be fast but I won't give up. I will smile and do my best. I'll start to remember why I run in the first place.  And I'll let you know how it goes.