When everything goes wrong

Sometimes life really doesn't go to plan and right now my life is full of high stress, difficult times and just holding it together is a job in itself. In amongst all this the pounds have crept back on and comfort food is never far away. Continuing to run has been hard - priorities change. Busy schedules and feelings that something had to give mean this isn't about losing mojo it's more about fitting everything in. Potentially this would be okay but what does it mean when you've got a marathon coming up and what do you do to try and get things under control? 

Start by taking the marathon plan off the fridge, say that you're focussing on running for enjoyment? Try to keep running with friends at weekends but don't worry if you miss mid-week sessions or intensity changes? Buy new clothes that fit slightly better and tell yourself it's okay - you're still far ahead of where you've been in the past? Watch others achieve great success and try not to feel sad that it reminds you of how different things are for you? Spend 4 hours running a half marathon because it has wine at all the drinks stops? 

Which of these works? Well I've tried them all and I'm still not sure yet! Some of them have made me feel great (Bacchus for example) and others not so much (like buying new clothes). All the time I keep entering races - I've got 3 marathons already next year. And I keep telling myself it doesn't matter. The speed I run at, whether I ever manage a PB again, the weight creeping back on. People ask how you are and you say fine. People see me walking on runs and helpfully call out "come on put the effort in". I smile and wave back. People ask what my plan is for Berlin and I say "oh to have fun" - all the time thinking it's just to survive! 

Running has always been a part of my mental health plan and now my mental health is suffering none of it's going to plan. Maybe that's ironic or maybe it's just Alanis Morissette's definition of ironic. But it's still not helpful. Instead I'm going to once again dig deep into my reserves. Find the strength not just to get around in Berlin but get around in life. I'm going to try and find new goals which are more about staying focused on what's important and what's not. My realistic target for Berlin is 5 - 5.30hrs and I need to try and own that without the twinge of disappointment I currently feel. 

I saw a quote the other day about "stop comparing yourself to strangers on the Internet". It made me smile but also its true. Strava is a great thing but it's also my worst enemy at times. I need to be me. Which is frankly, something I've never been good at. I'm great at being things for other people and not so good at being them for myself. Berlin or Beachy a few weeks later, or even running as Chester the Squirrels bodyguard, are not things I should fall apart over. Especially when my life is currently full of things that really are. 

Seems I'm learning running is all about perspective and right now, at this point, I need to find some!