Whoops and warning

Four weeks to go. Less now until Brighton and I should be brimming with confidence. I ran two 20 mile races back to back. The second taking 11 minutes off the first. Although they were the hardest thing I've ever done they helped me hit the mental state where I felt confident for the first time saying "I can do this marathon".

Of course I was surrounded by the Sunday Selfies and I feel grateful every day for the support and friendship I've found. How people train for these things alone I have no idea. But huge respect to those that do. As it is nearly every mile I've run has had someone by my side. Although the last 3 miles of the Lydd 20 when I found myself alone I learnt what it meant to reach inside and grind out a run. I focussed on just putting one foot in front of the other. Thinking short strides and willpower would see me through. No tears at the end as there had been at the finish of my first 20 the week before - this running is becoming an emotional journey.

Nutrition strategy has been worked out. My pace for race day has also been calculated. Using learning from all my runs. Advice from others and being realistic in what I can achieve. The stories I'm hearing from others are teaching me not to underestimate how hard this will be. Just 3 more long runs to go - 15 miles today. Warwick Half next week. Folkestone 10 miles on Good Friday. 

As we started on the North Downs I really wanted to finish that way too. It would be like Rocky and our Philadelphia steps. I would feel strong and fit. Mind set in place and physically able to face the challenge to come.  So today with a smaller group than normal (thanks to Mothers Day) we set off and I was as happy as can be. I love running with the Sunday Selfies. My friends. We talk complete rubbish for miles and miles and laugh a lot. There is no pressure to do anything than your own pace and we had hit 3k before I'd even realised. At that point we had a mountain to climb to get up to the North Downs Way - so up we went. Still going well (albeit slowly at this point - no speed records today) and yes it was tough but it was doing us good. Then our first downhill (before we had to go up again) and the pain started. It was pain I recognised so wasn't too worried. I've had ITB trouble (iliotibial band) before and my sports massager Luke has worked wonders for me in the past. The pain is temporary and I can stretch it and foam roll it out when I get home. 

So we continued. Up and down elevations of mammoth proportions.

Every downhill was getting worse and the uphills started to hurt. And we were slow. 10k in 1:30. 2 hours in and not hit 10 miles. We all agreed to cut it short. Head for home. The long downhill was agony. I've not had pain like it running before. Hitting the fairly flat but undulating Pilgrims Way with just 10k to go I thought "okay I can do this". Now alone with my very good run buddy Tim we let the others disappear into the distance and just tried to keep it going. But I couldn't. More walk breaks and finally the realisation this wasn't working. At the last regroup we told the others to head for home. I was, at that point, still thinking I could finish. A few strides later I knew I couldn't. The head over ruled my heart. The longer game more important than this small part. I rang home to be rescued. And after a walk of half a mile we stopped. 

(Just to say when the others left us they put in an amazing 4 mile run picking up their pace considerably so well done guys!) 

Arriving home I'm trying not to be dispondent. I know the solution. Ice. Stretching. Foam roller. Actually doing the squats and lunges Luke recommended back in January! I've got four weeks. I'm not running as much. Today I was in my hybrids not my road shoes. Perhaps the change contributed? We also climbed horrendous hills. And I've run a lot these past few weeks. Taper is the time for care. Rest the legs. Avoid injury. Recover from training. I keep telling myself it's going to be okay. That the confidence I'd gained is still justified. That I shouldn't fear Brighton and the possibility of the pain I felt today returning. These last three months have been some of the toughest of my life. These next four weeks are going to test me even more than I thought - just getting to the start of Brighton is now top of my list!